I used to see life as peaks that had to be conquered. When I reached the valleys, I either sought an escape route or denied their existence, or I would relentlessly push myself towards the next peak, eager to cross it off my list of desires. Entering the 44 course, I realized these were the desires of giants who held the reins of my mind, handing me their wishes wrapped in packages, and I would chase after them with my head. I didn't know where the destination was, and I moved through a winding path, stumbling and falling along the way. Through the 44 course, I realized the wisdom and beauty hidden in the valleys, which I had passed by unnoticed. The attention I decided to give them, I received, and eventually, I dived deep into the sea of focus. Now, I have an eye that seeks the trace of God in the repetitions.

I have traveled many paths, passed through the valleys of depression and stagnation, the cliffs of doubt, fear, and the peaks of pride and success, and reached the realm of omniscience... but I did not know what the heart truly desired. Exhausted and lost, burdened by the weight of my knowledge, I reached the borders of despair and helplessness. In the 44 course, I realized that I was a servant to my mind, that the one pulling the reins of my mind was not me, the mind was in control, and for years I had chased after its desires. The mind itself was a puppet, trapped in other chains. When the chains broke, and I took the helm, I understood the meaning of freedom, liberation, and choice. A pleasant feeling of peace, security, and faith lit up in my heart. I knew that the true position of humanity is noble, not for servitude and slavery, but for kingship. I knew that one can walk on Earth and breathe in Heaven...

For years, I was searching for the missing piece of myself... I saw myself as a complete whole, with only one part out of reach, and I believed that the purpose of my life was nothing but finding and putting together that missing fragment of my being, so that I could complete my evolutionary journey. Little did I know, the end point of my search was not finding that missing piece, but realizing that I am, in fact, fragmented within, and each fragment, like an autonomous state, plays its own tune with its own tuning... This realization, which came after a lifetime of searching, formed in just 44 days.

My life, my emotional and social relationships, everything I had been seeking... none of it was real. In different realms, I wandered blindly in search of my lost identity, and with each step, I became more and more lost. One day, in a confused state, I felt a light from deep within the foggy and dark world inside me that suddenly stopped everything, and I asked myself again, who am I? What am I doing here? And why did I come here? Who is this that is constantly talking to me? The 44 course made me more aware of the source of the mental conversations. This awareness created a foundation for my external behaviors and emotions to be under greater control, leading to a higher balance in my life and a greater sense of responsibility for my actions and behaviors.

Where do my dreams come from? Who and where wrote my destiny? Why did I lose my purpose? How do I break free from emptiness? From a life of weariness and longing for humanity... In my quest for perfection, I had lost my balance. Sometimes a companion to joy, and other times an embrace of sorrow. A grace of light and awareness touched my soul and, through 44, guided me to the point of peaceful existence. A question was asked, and an answer was received. What I sought externally, I found within. Not only did I discover myself, but I also understood my world.

When night falls and darkness emerges, fear and worry settle in my heart. The images that swirl in my mind are sometimes astonishing and terrifying, leading life down a path full of ambiguity and despair. In this inner dark prison, I struggle, I find love, I suffer, and I endure pain. The inner voice of my mind, along with the images and thoughts, completely controls me. I search for what they want, I dance to their tune and melody. They convince me to do certain things, then condemn and bind me, and this is a story of testing and punishment that seems endless. But in the 44 course, an inner light begins to appear in my heart. I realized that, ultimately, I am not the voice in my mind, and I have found a way to escape my prison. The thoughts and images have vanished, and I am freed from their bondage and chains, through the light of awareness I found in the 44 course. My balance has increased so much, and I feel a sense of worth...